Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of my Hasidic Roots

I heard about Unorthodox on CBC one day and then I read a review of it The Globe and Mail and decided I needed to read it. I put a hold on it in the library and waited (I think I was number 100 and something on however many copies [I just checked - there are 23 now, but I think there were fewer back in April, but I could be wrong]) and promptly forgot about it until I got the email telling me to go get it or they'd charge me a dollar.

The book the following disclaimer right at the beginning:

The names and identifying characteristics of everyone in this book have been changed. While all the incidents described in this book are true, certain events have been compressed, consolidated, or reordered to protect the identities of the people involved and ensure continuity of the narrative. All dialogue is as close an approximation as possible to actual conversations that took place, to the best of my recollection.

I don't have a problem with the first statement about names and identifying characteristics: that often happens in memoirs, especially ones where the people are still alive and the story is scandalous or sensitive or could be hurtful. I don't have a problem with the statement about the dialogue either. It makes sense to me that the conversations would have to be reconstructed from memory since most people don't walk around recording all of their conversations.

The second part about changing the events made me raise my eyebrows. I thought it was a bit strange, but I started reading and thought little more of it.

But then at the beginning of July, I took a creative non-fiction course. We focused primarily on memoir, the personal essay, and literary journalism and spent some time talking about the characteristics of each and where the lines between them blurred. And during this discussion, I asked about the line between fiction and non-fiction. Our instructor told us that basically if it's true to the best of your ability, then it's non-fiction. She readily acknowledged that when you write memoir, you won't remember all the details or the exact words used in a conversation and that it's your memories that you're drawing on, so you might describe an event, situation, or conversation in a different way than someone else who was standing beside you, but she said she wasn't sure she'd ever seen a statement like that before.

We had a long discussion after that about James Frey and A Million Little Pieces and whether this book fell into that same category. We didn't come to a conclusion - maybe it did, maybe it didn't, it sort of depended. Our instructor did tell us about a book one of her instructors wrote that was essentially a memoir except that he changed two details: he only wrote about one brother when in reality he had two and he had an illness but for the purposes of the book he changed the illness. These two things prompted him to call his book a novel, even though the bulk of the book was the truth.

I pretty much forgot about the conversation and kept reading. I liked the voice, although sometimes I had trouble wrapping my brain around the present tense being used pretty much throughout. I have to admit I'm glad she changed the names and identifying details because I felt bad for some of the people she talked about having their lives splashed around the world for all to read. She talks more than once about how strongly reading in English was discouraged, so maybe few of her family and (former?) friends will actually read the book, although in the interview with the Current they discussed how the book is reportedly being read in secret and passed through the community, so maybe not.

I found the story gripping - of course I knew the ending, but I wasn't sure how we were going to get there. I didn't know much about Hasidic Jews at all before I read the book except that they seemed to dress modestly in dark clothing and the men wore curls over their ears. I have read a bunch about Hasidism in the last few days thought because I wanted to know more.

At the very end of the book, when Deborah is starting to extract herself from her family and religion, she mentions she had a blog called "Hasidic Feminist," which of course I had to Google. Remember that conversation I had with my class about memoir and James Frey? Well, the internets were comparing Deborah Feldman to James Frey (if you click on the link, you'll get to the Wikipedia page which describes the Frey controversy in detail). It turns out that she has a younger sister, but portrayed herself as an only child in the book. Her mother didn't just vanish when she was very young, her parents actually didn't divorce until she was a teenager. There's a number of other things that her detractors call attention to. Which raises the question: is this a work of fiction or of non-fiction. In The Globe and Mail article she openly states that she made some of the changes for the sake of the narrative - if you're going to mess with the timeline, then maybe you're better off to call it a novel, inspired by real events? A non-fiction novel? I'm curious to see where this goes.

I enjoyed the book - it gave me an interesting glimpse into a private culture's way of life. Of course it's only one person's perspective and with anything like this, that is worth taking into consideration. Would I recommend this book? Sure - with a grain or two of salt. And maybe the Google machine open beside you. There is so much of interest in the book - I had vaguely heard of Williamsburg and knew next to nothing about Hasidism, so it was nice to be able to find more information and some background while I was reading.

Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris

This is my first re-read of the year. My friend Virginia sent me a copy of this book from Australia a few years ago - it was one of the books I wrote about for the 30 day challenge. I have a love-hate relationship with Paris that I haven't quite figured out. I dream about Paris, I want to visit Paris, I want to visit Paris for an extended period of time, maybe I even want to live in Paris, but once I get to Paris, I'm not so excited about it...

Anyway, I read this book a few years ago. I had been back from living in London long enough that it was time to get on with life and stop wishing I was back there. I had days were I coped well with my reentry into Canadian life and days where I didn't cope at all. I was wrestling with all kinds of stuff, including buying a plane ticket and quitting my job and heading back to Europe. Now, I don't think I was ever going to do that...I was working at a job that barely paid my rent and groceries, so there was no way I was saving enough to get myself to Europe, find somewhere to live, and feed myself until I found a job and I was far too scared to think about putting all that stuff on my credit card. This book helped me realize that part of the reason I came home was because I missed my friends and family and I didn't want to be far away from them (and unlike Sarah Turnbull I hadn't fallen in love with a Parisian, so my decision was far less complicated) and I really probably didn't need to put myself through all that again.

I know I finished Almost French but as I reread it, there were parts of the book that I didn't recognize at all. It was like reading it for the first time...I liked it this time as much (or maybe more) that I did the first time and I'm glad I read it again. After I wrote about it for the 30 days challenge, I tried to find it, but neither the bookstore nor the library had it, but they both have it now...which is interesting since the book was written almost 10 years ago!

I think I enjoyed this book as much as I did the last time - possibly more. When I read it the first time, I read it partly as advice for where I should be heading with my life. This time I read it simply as a memoir.

The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels

Okay, so, Ree Drummond. I stumbled on her blog long after thousands of people started flocking there daily. I actually think I found her blog when I was attempting the GAPS diet because someone linked to one her recipes saying this was what they wished they were having for dinner (I think I was lasagne - full of cheese and wheat that wasn't allowed on GAPS)

After I found her blog, I started poking around and I read most of the first part of the book there but I still wanted to read the extras in the book. I really enjoyed reading it - even a second time. The thing is, I know there are at least two sites dedicated to hating this author and I don't really understand the hate...they don't like her love story, because how could it be real? Especially since she came from a privileged family and married someone from one of the wealthiest ranch families in Oklahoma. But I still like it. It's totally a love story and it's a memoir, so there are omissions and there are probably some instances of hyperbole and all the other things that happen when you tell a story...whatever.

I don't understand the hate towards The Pioneer Woman. Here is someone who has built a brand around what apparently was a hobby. So what if the reason she is able to do this is because she's a housewife? The hate seems to stem from her brand and its success...I have made a few of her recipes and they worked out just fine...two of them are favourites in our house. There seems to be anger towards her because instead of talking about how she homeschools her children, she has two or three bloggers who do that. She has built the successful Tasty Kitchen Community...she's obviously smart. I didn't see it in the book, but I seem to remember her plan before she met Marlboro Man was to move to Chicago to go to law school...I guess I don't understand why the hate...I get not necessarily liking her, but the stalker-like behaviour on the hate sites is scary. Why is it a problem that when your blogging business grows and you can't do it yourself any longer, you hire people to help? Who, besides Ree, her husband and kids, really care if she's the one homeschooling them or if they employ a tutor?

Sorry...this has become a rant and it was supposed to be about the book. It's a good, fast, summer book. It's kind of syrupy and a bit (over)dramatic in places, but if you're going to the beach, the cabin, the cottage, the lake house, camping or flying over continents or oceans, it's definitely a book to consider.

My Life as a Furry Red Monster: What Being Elmo Has Taught Me About Life, Love and Laughing Out Loud

I finally made it into the realm of non-fiction! Kevin (and Elmo) were pretty funny...there were a few editorial things that drove me nuts (incorrect use of whom...), but the stories were cute and there were some good lessons. I thought there might be a little bit more about Elmo though...

The Woman's Book of Simple Delights

Santa left this in my stocking. It's one of those miniature books. I'm going to stick it in my bag because it has some great suggestions. I love that each page has two sort of related suggestions:

Spend an afternoon at an art gallery

OR

Go to a small neighborhood branch library and browse all afternoon (don't you love that old book smell?)

I guess Santa is trying to tell me to slow down and smell the flowers a bit...probably something I need to be reminded of a little more often.

And with that, step two of my challenge is complete. I'll recap in the morning. Or on Monday. We'll see.

Happy New Year!

Our Iceberg Is Melting

Um. Yeah. This is a bathtub book that my boss gave us all to read. It's a fable about change and the obstacles and personalities that a group faces when moving forward (or not) with change. I need to read it again because I've already forgotten most of it, but I know that when I read it, I was struck by how well the author illustrated change and our reactions to it.

Mafiaboy

My grandma gave Mafiaboy to Alex for his birthday, but I ended up reading it first. I really enjoyed it - the technical aspects of how and why mafiaboy hacked a bunch of big name companies like Yahoo! and eBay in 2000 where easy enough for my non-computer brain to understand. There was a human element to it - we'll never know what was actually going on in Michael Calce's head the day he launched the attacks, but I'm happy to believe he was a teenaged computer geek who just went a little too far. I know a bunch of people who hack for fun...one particular group of people claims to do it for fun but leave messages in the systems they hack so that the security people at the hacked website/computer system can improve security...

I vaguely remember the mafiaboy attacks...I was living in a Swiss-Italian bubble at the time of the attacks and had very little access to the internet (and when I did have access, I used it primarily to check hotmail). What I likely remember is the arrest and ensuing fall out and probably only because Calce is Canadian...who knows...

Anyway, I liked it.

My Great Book Challenge resolution for 2012: post books right after reading them so I don't forget what I want to say...

UGH.

It Sucked and Then I Cried

October...almost there...

I have followed Heather B. Armstrong's blog, dooce.com for a long time. I wanted to get the book when it first came out and didn't and then I forgot about it.

And then I found it in the bargain section of the bookstore.

Even though it's a pretty serious subject, I found myself laughing a lot. I recognized the early days of having a kid. I loved the voice. I'm trying to convince Alex to read this...actually, if you have kids or might have kids one day, this is a great book that honestly addresses postpartum depression.

And this is why I should post these as soon as I read the book...I can't remember anything else!

Bonus Book 2: The Fred Factor

This is actually a March book...I just didn't post it before the month was over. My boss has been talking about The Fred Factor for ages - I finally had a chance to grab a copy off her bookshelf at lunch the other day. Seriously, I read it during my lunch break. It took less than an hour. And I think it's a great book - probably one I'd suggest everyone read. I think I might just have to go get a copy for Alex.

Clutter Rehab

I discovered the Org Junkie website a few weeks ago and decided to do the 52 weeks of decluttering challenge. And then I discovered the writer had a book. I had to wait for a while to get this book - very popular at the library - and when I did get it, it only took a few hours to read it. It was good and I thought I'd actually go out and buy a copy (I couldn't do that before or it wouldn't count for the challenge!) but as often as I've picked it up in the last few days, I decided I didn't need to go buy it...not right now anyway. I'm trying to reduce my clutter, not add to it. And the website has pretty much all of it on it...I do like holding the little book in my hands though...we'll see, I might cave. But for now, I'm just going to try to keep renewing the book!

If you're trying to organize your life or your home or your office, I totally recommend your book. And if you're one of those well-organized people I aspire to be, I still recommend this book - she had some great tips and we can all use great tips!

Teaser Tuesday Goes to Rehab

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share two (2) "teaser" sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
• Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

As you might have noticed over there, I'm a bit wrapped up in trying to get our life organized and gain a little control over our stuff, so in keeping with that theme:

Just when you think you've got things all figured out at the top of the ride, the roller coaster of life dips down and spins you in another direction. However, with consistent practice and a good seat belt, you'll learn to expect those dips and turns and be ready for them.

Clutter Rehab, Laura Wittman, page 8

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT at Should Be Reading with either the link to your own Teaser Tuesdays post, or share your 2 ‘teasers’ in a comment here (if you don’t have a blog). Thanks!

The Vegetarian Myth

Do you remember rule number 1? I sure do. And today I'm oh so glad I put it in my rules for this challenge.

Rule number 1:

If I cannot, absolutely bring myself to finish a book, I will not. I tend to torture myself and force myself to finish books even when they're not keeping my interest and I'm not enjoying them. I'm not going to do that for this challenge.

and as a result of rule number 1, rule number 2 also applies:

If I don't finish a book, I will still blog about it. Then I will attempt to read another book in that same, now truncated, month.

Because this book fits in to that rule. I had to request The Vegetarian Myth (and the university didn't have it!) and my name came up two days before we left to go away for Christmas. So I took it with me.


Um. Yeah. It's not exactly a Christmas reading kind of book. It required that I pay attention and file information in my brain for a later date.

So I decided I'd wait until I got back. Well, it's going back to the library today. I can't renew it because there is a long list of other people who would like to read it. For a while I fooled myself into believing I'd add my name back onto that list, but really, I'm not going to.

I was really interested by the topic of the book and it was recommended by a couple of people as I looked up more information about the GAPS diet. Lierre Keith is a former vegetarian and former vegan who argues that a vegetarian diet creates as much or more destruction to animal life and to plant life as a meat diet does. It's an interesting thought and the way she arrived at her arguments was compelling, but after 70+ pages, it felt like torture.

I started the weekend hoping I'd have it done by the time Alex heads to work tonight - then no late fees because he can drop it in the box. But sometime on Saturday I realized I couldn't do it. As fascinating as it seemed, I just couldn't get into the book. Lierre Keith mentions a couple of times that she was a staunch vegan, set in her beliefs and, (I can't remember if she explicitly says this or if I made it up, reading between the lines) somewhat preachy in her views, but that after a time of illness and research, she has changed her stance. But I kind of felt this book was preachy...just the opposite preaching to what a vegan would preach.

So, if you've read it, I'd love to hear what you thought of the whole book. Maybe one day I'll pick it up again...or maybe I won't. But I tried.

And yes, I will try to read two other books this month...not sure what they will be yet, but I have a stack on the go.

Everything Men Know About Women

So, November was brutal. I spent the first week of the month in bed with a lung infection. I was sleeping, oh, at least 15 hours a day. Then I decided that I needed some help with fatigue and ended up on the GAPS diet which resulted in a healing crisis. Ever try to read during a healing crisis? No? That's probably a good idea. The healing crisis is pure evil and trying to read just makes it worse.

Because November was brutal, I pulled this book off my shelves and figured it was time to take a look.

It's a gift from a friend.

What does that post-it hanging off the side say? Open here? Okay.
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Ooops, it's empty! And the back claims it's based on years of research and that it's "frank and brilliantly insightful" (more on Amazon, scroll down, way down!)

So that's my book this month.

Next month I will try to return to reading books with words. I did read quite a bit of The Final Act of Mr. Shakespeare, Nourishing Traditions, and Santa Claus: A Biography, but I didn't finish any of them. (Heck, I don't think I'll ever really "finish" Nourishing Traditions since it's a cookbook)

I'm looking at this and wondering how I will ever do the next step of the challenge - reading two books a month in 2011...eep! Oh well, we'll deal with that when we get there!

Mrs P's Journey

I'm a couple of days late posting about October's book...

After I read about this book on Ann's blog, My Villa Life, I had to search it out. Partly because I love maps. Partly because I love London. Partly because I was intrigued by this woman's story.



I have read a bunch of background and it's hard to say whether this is a true, non-fiction biography or a historical novel. Certainly it's based on facts and many of them from Phyllis Pearsall, but there is a lot that the author had to fill in herself. I had trouble categorizing it...

I also had trouble finding it. It appears it is out of print in North America and the VPL didn't have it. But the UBC library did. So that's where I finally got it. I don't often get books from the UBC library mostly because you only get them for two weeks, not three. But, unlike the VPL, you can renew them as many times as you want as long as there are no holds.

Phyllis had a colourful childhood and yound adulthood and it definitely helped frame how the A-Z was born, but I loved the last part of the book that detailed how the A-Z came about. I love the A-Z. One of my favourite things to do when I lived in London and had enough of people was to get on the underground and get out and wander with only my A-Z as company. I figured it was pretty hard to get lost in London - if you had an A-Z you could figure out where you were and if you could find a tube station (the A-Z could tell you) then you could home. Maybe you could find yourself not knowing where you were, but you weren't lost!

I liked this book and if you like London or maps, it's definitely something worth reading. The editor side of me wasn't happy with a few things that were missed (how many siblings did Bella have? Five or eight?) but overall, I was happy with my choice.

Thanks Ann for writing about it...I never would have known it existed otherwise!

The Amazing Mackerel Pudding Plan

I know, I know, I'm posting this a day late. But. September was nuts.

Crazy.

So glad it's gone.

And reading, ha! That's a pastime for those who are retired, independently wealthy, or who aren't trying to juggle a toddler with a new daycare and essentially a new job and, because of a temporary change at their spouse's workplace, all of the meals and grocery shopping and most of the housework life.

I seriously went to bed last night a bit disappointed with myself. I thought I'd failed September.

I have about three books in progress. I've been writing tons. I've been reading tons, actually, but for the purposes of this challenge I had to finish a book. And magazines, they don't count. And browsing through cookbooks, that doesn't count. And reading about 50 million blogs a day, that also doesn't count (although on that note, I have culled a number of blogs from my feed. This morning there were only 96 posts for me to read. I skipped most of them. It makes me sad.) And reading articles and papers for work, well, that doesn't count either.

So sad. I only survived three months of my challenge.

But then I remembered this AWESOME birthday gift from my brother-in-law.


It's not literature. It's not a biography. It's not thoughtful or instructional. It might qualify as thought provoking.

But it made me laugh. And cringe. And possibly throw up a little in my mouth.

And, best of all, IT'S A BOOK!

The premise: A woman found her grandmother's (she assumes, since no one will own up to actually being the original owners) set of Weight Watchers recipes from the 70s. She keeps them, because, wow, easy laughs! And the book is great. It pokes fun at the actual recipes. It pokes fun at the names of the recipes. It pokes fun at the staging of the food.

I loved it! I don't know which recipe was my favourite, but this book had me cracking up. Even Alex read a good chunk of it.

What I do know now though, is WHY people lost weight (and probably lots of it) on Weight Watchers in the 70s - the food was just too gross to eat. And if they did eat it, it probably made them have tummy aches, so they didn't eat much.

I'm glad Weight Watchers uses a healthier model for weight loss these days!

I just googled the book and you can see some of the cards and commentary here.

EDIT: Also check out this page - it's got Weight Watchers information from the 1970s...scary stuff!

One Year To An Organized Life

I finished July's book last week. It had to go back to the library (someone else had a hold on it), so there was some panic reading it. And now I don't have it in front of me to reference, so I'm going to wing it.


This month's book was One Year To An Organized Life by Regina Leeds. I saw it in Chapters one day a couple of months ago and thought I'd check it out. I'm not totally disorganized right now, but I don't feel like I'm as organized as I'd like to be. I'd been sort of dabbling with the whole FlyLady thing, but I didn't really feel it was working for me.

I liked parts of this book.

It put a strong emphasis on journaling and some of the questions seemed so relevant. The big one that hit me was a two parter - did my house always feel this disorganized and if not, how did it get this way. And then she tells you not to beat yourself up about it, but instead do something about it.

I thought about her questions, but I didn't do much journaling (maybe because I was reading 12 months worth of organizing tips, strategies and skills in three weeks). As I was reading, I kept asking myself, do I need to buy this book? I loved how it was broken down by month and then by week. Even the huge tasks seemed less daunting (although, again because of the library thing, I didn't really put anything into practice).

There were a few things that drove me nuts.

One was the constant references to The Container Store (which we don't have in Canada) just because I felt like she was saying there was no where else to buy boxes/containers/organizing equipment. The colour coding of the closet seemed a little over the top to me. And I guess that's where you let your own judgment take over. I group my clothing either by type (all sweatshirts together, all blouses together etc) or by outfit. Looking at a rainbow in the morning would not help me get ready faster.

So. Would I recommend this book? Yes. I think I would. It motivated me to get moving on some things I was procrastinating on. I think I got some good tips. Would I buy it? Maybe. It depends on how often I find myself wishing I could refer to something in that book in the next little while.

Has anyone else read it? What did you think?

Crazy Aunt Purl's Home Is Where The Wine Is

My first book in this challenge is Laurie Perry's second installment: Crazy Aunt Purl's Home Is Where The Wine Is (I also read her first book in May - I wrote a little bit about it over on Get Fit Chicks).


I love Crazy Aunt Purl and I visit her website practically every day. I've read a huge number of the archived posts too. I love her honesty and bluntness and humour and even her cats (and I'm not a cat person!).

With both books I wondered how much I'd enjoy them because I do read her blog all the time. But that woman amazes me. Most of the stories in her book were new ones and if they weren't entirely new, they were definitely expanded to add more details and more giggles and the occasional cringe or tear, but they were definitely different. There were some things that I had briefly wondered about that she hadn't address on the site that were in the book.

I loved that it was written in pretty much the same style as her blog. It wasn't all prettied up and changed so it sounded like someone else.

I also loved the knitting recipes at the end of both books. There were a couple I wanted to take a closer look at in the first book but it had to go back to the library and I couldn't even renew it because someone else had a hold on it.

Anyway, I pretty much thought this book (and the first one) was great. I'm waiting for installment #3! Both of these were quick reads for me - I think two days each.